Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Two faced coin

Wednesday, June 2, 2010
It may be the late hour, but I feel like penning down, a thought buzzing in my head for sometime.

It is in the nature of friendship to seek advice. More so as we grow up and increasingly draw influence from our peer group. I have sought advice from friends in troubled times. They always worked. I found them to be honest and true.

When it comes to me giving advice, I have always used one and only thumb rule- not involving emotions, not mine and certainly not of the person concerned. Being cold. For it always makes me think clearly.

However, when faced in an identical situation, I hesitate to use my own advice.

Yes, it is well known that advice when given for free is never welcome.

With people you are close to, though, it is different. The person has come seeking a viewpoint. It has been well thought. I have answered what I find most suitable. I also believe it is sure to work.

Over many instances, it has proven to work.

Logically, then, I consider myself a rational person with a sound approach to problem solving. I'd expect people to rely on me.

But, do I rely on myself?

Let me explain with an example. A friend was having trouble mending ways with a collegemate after he'd behaved rudely,rather, pathetically. He was expected to apologise profusely to revive their friendship. I opined that he should do whatever was expected of him, even belittle himself somewhat, if need be. Be friend again at the end of the day. You ensure that.
It worked.

In a similar situation, few weeks later and equally at fault, my reasoning floundered. I decided to choose my ego over apology. Fortunately, events unfolded undramatically and normalcy was restored.

It brings me to think if all the while when other people's suggestions worked for me, were they willing to use it themselves? Did it work because they too advised with an unemotional point of view?

Am the creator and destroyer of my own thoughts. Created for others, destroyed for self. In a sordid way, it makes me a feel a hypocrite.

Perhaps Ralph Emerson felt the same way when he said- Go put your creed into your deed.

11 comments:

Abhas Urmaliya

True..
I've felt that too.
Apparently the rational-self deludes our own actions or vice-versa

Vineet Pandey

Related to it.
When involved with others' issues, you know that yours is a suggestion (probably one of many) which might not necessarily be translated into action by the person, hence you can afford to do as good as possible an analysis. but with one's own self, the final decision follows from the analysis and hence we concern ourselves with the best (self-)suggestion rather than one that's good enough.

though it can also be attributed to humility; you might not want to think that your understanding and decision making is the best and others might throw light on points you might have missed (i don't think that's a lack of confidence).

Abhimanyu

@Vineet- Agree with the part about decision stemming from analysis for self.

nuniek nur sahaya

nice information and nice posting. thanks

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